


Lana and Mallow Have a Baby

by Gelatino



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Comedy, F/F, queerplatonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27063031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelatino/pseuds/Gelatino
Summary: Lana surprises Mallow with some good news: they have a baby! But it's no ordinary child...
Relationships: Mao | Mallow/Suiren | Lana
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Lana and Mallow Have a Baby

When Lana was bored, she would go to the beach of the Hano Grand Resort and practice one of her favorite pastimes: Pyukumuku chucking. The resort considered it a great service to help keep the unsightly Pokémon off the beach, but Lana disagreed. She only did it because it was therapeutic, for both herself and the stubborn Pyukumuku. She enjoyed the meditative task of picking up and throwing the small-but-heavy Pokémon, and watching them fall in the water with a satisfying _sploosh_. The tough little Pyukumuku didn’t mind the trip back to the water, because it meant they could journey once more to their favorite spot on the beach, ready to be thrown again. Professional Pokémon handlers would call this “enrichment.”

One fine and sunny day, Lana was going about her business, clearing the beach of Pyukumuku one by one. She paused to pick one up, examine it, and feel it in her hands. The grounding effect of holding the slimy Pokémon was good at relieving stress and anxiety. It was squishy in places, but with a stiff mass of muscle that pushed back against her touch, and it coated Lana’s fingers with a thin slime that felt cool in the ocean breeze.

She stared into the eyes of this Pyukumuku, and it stared back. She didn’t feel like chucking this one into the water. There was not a single thing different about it, but that’s what made it special in her eyes. She was transfixed. She was overcome with a feeling that she could only describe as Maternal Instinct.

“You’re going to be our baby,” she said, and started the walk back to Konikoni city, holding her new offspring tenderly in front of her.

* * *

“Mallow!”

Lana barged into Mallow’s family restaurant. Business was slow, and Mallow was sitting at the lunch counter, taking a break. She turned around at the sound of her name. “Oh, hi!”

Lana held out her child.

“That’s a Pyukumuku,” said Mallow, with the cadence of a game show contestant. “Even I know that!”

“This is our child,” said Lana.

“Whaaaat?!” said Mallow with enthusiasm. “Are you saying I get to be a mom?”

“Yes, and so do I. It’s a big responsibility. Are you ready for it?”

“Of course!” said Mallow, and patted her child on the head, flinging the slime off her hand. “I’d give anything for my little boy! Er… he is a boy, right?”

“While it may be an accepted social norm, it’s not very progressive to assign a gender to your child.”

“Right, right. It should be their choice.” Mallow pondered. “So… do they have a name?”

Lana lifted up her child and looked inquisitively at it. “No, I haven’t come up with anything yet.”

“Well, it’s gotta be something cute. Because they’re just a cute little bean!” Mallow cooed and wagged a finger at her child, who enjoyed the attention.

Lana paused. Her face lit up with fierce determination. “Cutecumber.”

“Cutecumber!! Cutecumber!!”

Lana and Mallow stayed in the restaurant for a while and played with Cutecumber. They tried feeding it different kinds of berries. Like a responsible parent, Lana looked up what kind of foods were safe for Pyukumuku before experimenting. After some time, though, they grew bored.

“We need to show everyone our child,” said Lana. “They need to know.”

“You’re right!”

With Cutecumber in Lana’s trusty grip, the two of them headed out.

* * *

Lana and Mallow scaled the mountain at Wela Volcano Park. At the top, just as they suspected, they found Kiawe at the trial site, overseeing a group of Marowak performing their synchronized fire dances. The girls called out to him, grabbing his attention.

Lana held out Cutecumber. “Behold, our child.”

“Aren’t they cute?”

Kiawe looked down at it. “You really shouldn’t bring Pyukumuku up here. The air is too hot and dry, it’s not good for its protective coating.”

“He’s right,” said Lana. “We should take better care of our baby.”

“Alright,” said Mallow, “but first, you have to tell them they’re cute! They need validation!”

“Do I have to?” said Kiawe.

“Yes! Tell Cutecumber they’re a good bean. And pat them on the head.”

Kiawe paused, then hesitantly reached out. He glanced back and forth at Lana and Mallow, trying to figure out if he was being Punked. “You’re a… good bean.” He gingerly touched Cutecumber’s head, drew back his hand, and grimaced at the slime on his fingers.

“Aw, Cutecumber loves their uncle Kiawe!” cooed Mallow at Cutecumber’s blank expression.

Conscious of their child’s health, Lana and Mallow made their way down the volcano. “Don’t keep that thing out of the water too long!” called Kiawe as they left.

“So… what do we do now?” said Mallow.

“I don’t know,” said Lana. “Parenting is hard. What are you supposed to do with kids?”

“Hmm…” Mallow thought hard. “Oh! You’re supposed to send them to school. Every child needs a good education.”

“You’re absolutely right,” said Lana. “I know the perfect teacher.” She handed off Cutecumber to Mallow, who gleefully carried them to their next destination.

* * *

“This is… um, how can I put this… a terrible idea?” said Sophocles.

Lana and Mallow traveled all the way to the Hokulani observatory. There was no better place for their child to receive an education in the natural sciences. They brought Cutecumber to Sophocles’ room and set up a small classroom for it, with a makeshift desk to sit at and a whiteboard for Sophocles to stand at.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Lana. “Cutecumber is really smart.”

“Yeah!” said Mallow. “You need to teach them, so they can go to college!”

Sophocles looked down incredulously at his eager pupil. Cutecumber sat at their desk and stared blankly ahead.

“Um… alright.” Sophocles pointed at the board, on which he had written 2+2=4. “This should be pretty basic, right? Er, I’m not actually a great teacher…”

He looked haplessly at Lana and Mallow, who offered him an encouraging thumbs-up from across the room.

“Well… why don’t you try taking some… notes?” Sophocles held a number 2 pencil in front of Cutecumber, who startled him by forcefully grabbing the pencil with a white human-like hand. Cutecumber tightly clutched the pencil and, with a loud crack, pulverized it into splinters.

The peanut gallery piped up. “Look! They defy conventional knowledge!”

“They’re a master of their craft!”

Sophocles was willing to put up with this just long enough to make the madness go away. “That… concludes today’s lesson,” he said defeatedly.

Lana and Mallow got up to congratulate their star student. “You did so well today! I’m proud of you!” Mallow looked eagerly at Sophocles. “So, did they pass?”

Sophocles looked back with tired eyes. He picked up a sheet of paper, drew an “A+” on it, circled it, and handed it over. Mallow presented the paper proudly to Lana. “Look! Their first report card!”

“Our child is a prodigy,” said Lana.

Satisfied with their child’s academic success, Lana and Mallow made their way out. Sophocles gratefully started arranging his workspace back to the way it was.

* * *

Lana and Mallow returned to Akala island. A child should get to know their home, after all. Their next destination was the Lush Jungle.

“Cutecumber has worked hard today, and that means it’s time to play! And this is my favorite spot to play,” said Mallow, who twirled around happily among the underbrush.

Lana set Cutecumber down on the ground to let them go play. However, Cutecumber remained motionless.

“Hmm… they need something fun to do,” said Mallow.

“I know,” said Lana. She searched the ground for a suitably sized rock. “We already know our child is an intellectual prodigy. Maybe they’ll be a great athlete too?”

“Ooh! Great idea! Cutecumber is really strong!”

Lana picked up a rock, wound herself up, and tossed it into the forest. It clattered against tree trunks and fell to the ground with an audible thump some distance away. “Like that, see?” she said, and handed a smaller rock to Cutecumber. “Now you try.”

Cutecumber grabbed the rock. It reared back, and with one swift motion, sent the rock whizzing through the air at breakneck speed. Lana and Mallow barely saw it streak through the air before crashing through the canopy, sending leaves fluttering to the ground. They didn’t hear it land.

“Wow!” said Mallow.

“I knew it,” said Lana. “Our child is a star athlete.”

They were so amused at Cutecumber’s strength that they continued giving it things to throw. It sent small rocks and sticks careening into the sky, and even lobbed a heavy stone in a satisfying arc. However, when they gave it another light rock, Cutecumber was reluctant to throw it, and instead held its arm limp.

The concerned parents knelt down over their child. “Aw, what’s the matter, are you tired?” said Mallow. Lana knew it was more than just fatigue; Cutecumber’s skin was getting dry and wrinkled. Kiawe was right, it wasn’t supposed to stay out of the water for long.

Lana gingerly picked up Cutecumber. “I think it’s time,” she said.

“Time for what?”

“The next stage of our child’s life.”

Mallow followed curiously after Lana as she left the Lush Jungle, and headed back to the Hano Grand Resort.

* * *

The sun was going down. Lana and Mallow stood on the shoreline of Hano Beach, looking out to sea. The lazy waves lapped at their feet. Cutecumber was in Lana’s hands, but looked like it would very much rather be in the water.

“This is the hardest part of being a parent,” said Lana.

“Aw, is it time for Cutecumber to go already?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to keep them cooped up with us. Cutecumber is growing up, and they need to find their own way in the world.”

“You’re right,” said Mallow. “We had some great times together. I’ll never forget it!”

“Our child has lots of potential. They’re going to do great things.”

Lana held up Cutecumber and took one last look at their cute little face. Mallow gave them a smooch on the head, then wiped the slime off her lips. Finally, Lana lobbed Cutecumber as far as she could into the ocean, and watched as they broke the surface with a distant _sploosh_.

“Come back soon!” called out Mallow. “We’re always here to support you!”

Lana and Mallow started back towards Konikoni city.

“Wow, that was tiring,” said Mallow. “Parenting is hard work!”

“Yeah, but it was totally worth it,” said Lana. “Our work paid off. We raised a great child.”

“It was a pretty good practice run for if we actually become parents someday,” said Mallow. “Don’t you think so? Wouldn’t we make good parents?”

Lana paused. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”


End file.
